When Destiny Is All You Have
by FlossPyromaniac
Summary: Harry is faced with a bleak future entering his seventh year. Who can help him now? When you have no one left to turn to, and nothing to live for what happens next? HPSS eventually thus SLASH. Attempted suicide and character death. Ignores HBP. WIP.
1. A Boy

Title:When Destiny Is All You Have

Author: FlossPyromanaic

Rating: M

Notes: Thank You to my lovely beta iheartwillhoge, check out her lj. This will be SLASH! It also contains ATTEMPTED SUICIDE in later chapters. No flaming, you have been warned.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The crappy attempt at 'plot' within belongs to me. No plagerism of other authors is intended.

Chapter One, A Boy

Harry Potter was in trouble.

Everyone said so. 'Depressive' some said. 'Self-destructive' followed him in the halls. 'Withdrawn' from the teachers. Harry sighed, and looked at his clock, 11.57 pm on the 30th of July.

Harry wasn't so sure. After he had lost Sirius, he had supposedly had a radical change of character, but to him, it seemed more like the side that no one, bar the sorting hat, saw coming to the fore, his Slytherin side.

Admittedly he spoke less, but he listened more, and in this he learned so much about the people he saw every day. Harry had refused to have his lifetime ban lifted, much to the dismay of the Gryffindor team, but accepted the return of his broom gratefully.

His marks had improved rapidly with his additional time to study, but not too much, Harry was learning to subtle art of doing well enough for there to be no concern, but not so greatly, as Hermione did, to draw excess attention. Harry Potter was trying to fade into the background.

Harry sighed, that wasn't likely now was it? His apparent change of behaviour was enough to cause the teachers and his housemates to watch him like he was about to crack and go jump off the Astronomy Tower at any time. Harry smirked, perhaps he was.

The **Daily Prophet** was running weekly stories about Harry's decent into the Dark Arts and suicidal tendencies. One headline stood out in his mind 'BOY-WHO-LIVED-TO-KILL-HIMSELF?' Harry found that one rather appropriate, with the overwhelming possibility of his death along with old Snake-face's.

And they were right. he was learning Dark Arts, but how else did they expect him to destroy Voldemort? Mad-eye Moody had spent huge amounts of time firing hexes and curses at his, sometimes for days on end and expected him to keep going.

Harry fingered his wand, he had little need for it these days, but it was a comforting weight in his hand, a familiar presence, and prepared to get the hell out of No. 4 Privet Drive.

He had received no less than four separate orders to remain there after he turned 17, from Dumbledore, McGonagall, Hermione and Mrs Weasley respectively. That he was best protected there.

But Harry just didn't care any more, _let it end,_ he thought over and over, _let it end_. He would face his destiny when it came, and knew that in it all, he was just a pawn, a weapon, and now was the time to strike.

Harry looked over at the clock as what were most likely the last few moment of his life, watched as it glowed 00.00 in the dark and thought to himself, _Happy Birthday _as he apparated out into the night.


	2. A Fight

Title:When Destiny Is All You Have

Author: Flosspyromanaic

Rating: M

Notes: Will Be SLASH. ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. Feedback welcome, no flames, you have been warned. HP/SS

Chapter Two, A Fight

Harry landed right in the middle of a death eater meeting.

Hundreds of masked faces swung towards the figure, dressed in thin black robes and wondered who dared to disrupt such an important meting. The few, more intelligent death eaters knew it could be none other than the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Ruin-People's-Fun also know as 'that bloody Potter brat'. Whispers broke out amongst the gathered mob.

'SLENCE!' roared Voldemort. 'How nice of you to join us Mr Potter, though I must admit, I was expecting you.'

Harry remained silent, and closed his eyes.

'No gutsy retort, Potter? Trying to face your death like a man? No matter, as to the rest of you – keep quiet if you know what's good for you.'

Harry dodged out of the way as a cutting hex slashed towards him. Voldemort smirked, as far as something that has no lips can, and whispered '_Crucio' _

And still Harry made no sound.

Voldemort eyes flared, and shot the curse again.

Harry did not scream, did not move.

Voldemort was growing steadily more and more enraged, he began to throw huge, powerful dark hexes at Harry, who would do nothing but dodge.

He still hadn't opened his eyes.

Voldemort stopped, 'very well, Mr Potter, _Expelliarmus_.'

Harry's wand flew through the air.

And still he did not move.

Voldemort smirked again, 'so sad, such as easy task. Goodbye, Harry Potter. _Avada Kedavra_.'

Harry eyes snapped open, as the curse rushed towards him he shouted '_ANIMA DELEO_!' The two curses met in between the two and exploded in a rush of silver light.

And when the energy faded, hundreds of Aurors were apparating into the room, rounding up those Death Eaters to shocked or stupid to escape.

Voldemort was gone.

And Harry Potter was alive.


	3. A Saviour

Title:When Destiny Is All You Have

Author:FlossPyromanaic

Rating : M

Notes: Will be SLASH. ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. Feedback welcome, no flames, you have been warned.

Chapter Three, A Saviour

Albus Dumbledore was rarely surprised. He had most of what happened in people's lives around him planned out. Then a fire call came from Kingsly Shaklebolt. Never one to mince words he said, 'Voldemort is dead,' and vanished from the fireplace. Albus then proceed to choke on the lemon drop he was eating.

'MINERVA! Come quickly, I need to go get to Harry.'

Albus left Minerva to send off owls to the various Order of the Phoenix members and set off to the apparition point to apparate to Riddle House.

The first sight that greeted him was Harry Potter, stiff and unblinking amongst the chaos that surrounded him.

The Headmaster pushed his way through the crowd and whispered in Harry's ear, 'I'm taking you to Hogwarts my boy.' And they both vanished.

Severus Snape was never happier to have been found out as a spy the previous year. Then he was mildly surprised that a Potter was actually good for something, which his inner voice (which sounded disturbingly like Minerva) promptly reprimanded him over.

As all the possibilities were whirling rounded his head, Albus walked in with Potter.

Severus sneered as Granger and Weasley rushed up the Harry and hugged him tightly. He was about to turn away when he saw that Potter was still stiff as a board and seemed barely conscious.

Potter's head rose a little and Severus saw eyes that he had seen in too many faces, including his own, eyes that held no feeling, no life. Severus sighed as he realised the rumours may not have been as false as he had supposed.

The boy would need watching.

Harry felt like he was in a vacuum. The light and sound all rushing past him in a tangled blur, overwhelming his senses. He thought perhaps someone might be touching him, but he couldn't tell. Then he felt two cold eyes on his, familiar eyes and he met them and saw them… what? Understand? No. Not possible. One thought kept running round Harry's head _What Am I Now? _Over and over.

He saw his future, one of fear and hate and adoration, all misplaced, and yet all deserved. Who needed a saviour when they had done their saving? No one. He was nothing important, and yet, he would forever be the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Defeat-Voldemort. No one wanted a used up weapon.

That night at approximately midnight on August 1st, to the sound a cheers, shouts and celebration in Hogsmeade and parties raging through the streets, Harry Potter slit his wrists and finally jumped of the Astronomy Tower.

TBC...

Updates can always be found on my lj... see my homepage

Floss


	4. A Rescue

Title: When Destiny Is All You Have

Author: FlossPyromanaic

Rating: M

Notes: Contains SLASH and ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, don't like, don't read, you have been warned and thus NO FLAMES. This one is for Wolfie, who encouraged me to continue, in a threatening kinda way, and of cousre my lovely beta, iheartwillhoge.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The crappy attempt at 'plot' within belongs to me.

**Chapter Four: A Rescue**

Severus Snape was alone in his rooms. As usual. He heard the parties raging around the town, but he felt no need to join them. They didn't understand. Couldn't.

Freedom.

It was a bizarre concept. He was free of Voldemort. So he celebrated the best we he knew, with 25-year-old scotch and quiet contemplation.

He was on his second glass when the alarms when off. The ones that told him someone had tried to jump off the Astronomy tower. He knew it was Potter, and so he ran, alone in the castle, to save their saviour. For who else would want to die on a night like this?

And there, lying on the floor of the tower, thrown back from the cold night air, in an increasingly growing pool of blood, was a broken shell of the Boy-Who-lived-To-Defeat-Voldemort.

Severus cursed, racking his brains for any, every healing spell he had ever learned, or just something, anything to stop the bleeding. He felt a kind of desperation he had never known before, and cursed himself for being so helpless.

Then finally, _Sano_, he whispered.

And the wounds began to close, painfully, languidly. And yet he hid not wake.

The pulse was fluttery, tachycardic, and Severus knew if he didn't get some blood into the boy, he'd die.

_Sanguine_, created a drip into the boy, and so tortuously, his pulse came down and his breathing evened into sleep.

Instinctively, Severus pieced up the boy, gently, and the drip, and carried him down to his own quarters and into his own room.

He knew that Potter would not want everyone staring at him when he awoke.

He had been too right, and for once he was sorry, and wished he had been mistaken.

His thoughts skipped back to the previous thought, _when he awoke_, what would he do then? The boy wanted to die… how was he to stop him? How would he, a man who had done everything to make Potter's life as difficult as possible, be able to convince him to live?

He would need constant watching, Severus knew that all too well.

Severus settled into the chair by his bed and prepared himself for a long night, knowing he would not sleep. Potter slept. So pale. His eyes were fixed upon the cadaverous face, eerie in the flickering candlelight, and hoped it had been enough for now.

Author's note: Hi to my reviewers and thank you! I won't do responses cosI sent you all messages back (I think)and any updates are always available at my lj, which is set as my homepage.

Read & Review Please!

Floss


	5. A Vigil

**Title:** When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author:** FlossPyromaniac

**Rating: **M

**Notes: **For Wolfie, Cashmere, Kay and all my lovely reviewers. And of course my lovely beta iheartwillhoge. Probably update before then, but if not Happy Hoildays!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, never gonna be. You want a proper disclaimer shift your arses back a chapter. :Blows Raspberry:

**Chapter Five: A Vigil**

The parties in Hogsmeade raged long into the night as Severus sat in his desperate vigil over the fallen saviour. It was only when the noise died down that he realised it must be morning. Suddenly a whole new list of problems presented themselves for inspection.

What would he tell Albus? The boy's friends? The Order? What was there to be done for a shattered child, who had, in the eyes of the world, served his purpose?

Severus stretched his cramped muscles and then settled back in his chair to wait.

Not fifteen minutes later he received a fire call from Albus, though the old coot's twinkle was noticeably absent.

'Severus, my boy, we have a problem. Harry is missing, and I fear he may have been taken by a remaining Voldemort supporter…'

'He is here, Albus'

Severus would have deeply savoured the look of utter bewilderment that crossed the Headmaster's face, had he not been about to reveal the Boy-Who-Still-Lived had attempted to take his own life.

'He jumped off the Astronomy Tower, and slit his wrists. He is stable, however, for the moment.'

Every battle, every life lost and every year clearly settled onto the Headmaster's face, and Severus stepped back from the fire to allow him to enter his chambers.

Albus asked no inane questions of how or why, knowing Severus had no answers for him. He simply went to the bedside and looked into the drawn, still figure, and Albus' face reflected the guilt of a thousand murderers as he looked across his greatest success and his greatest failure. For it was clear that in the Headmaster's plans for victory he had, as all others had, lost sight of the young man he was moulding.

They stood in silence for an immeasurable amount of time until Albus roused himself and walked to the fire to call, presumably, Granger and Weasley.

The wait while the Headmaster talked was violently morbid. Severus had to continuously remind himself that the boy was not dead, and it was not his job to deal with the friends Potter had chosen to leave behind.

Muffled denials and then quiet questions snuck under the closed door of Severus' bedroom and two slight thumps announced the arrival of the remained members of the golden trio.

Granger's eyes were wet with tears, and she was visibly stopping herself from running up to the bed and proving for herself that he was alive. She moved back towards the doorway, as it seemed to truly sink in. And when it could not offer the support she needed, the girl sank to the floor with quiet, choked sobs.

Weasley could offer no support either. He stared unblinkingly at the prone figure of his friend, still clearly in denial, despite the evidence before his eyes. He stared at Severus with a growing look of accusation in his eyes.

'You had something to do with this didn't you? You and the rest of the Death Eater scum! How come you weren't taken away with them, slimeball? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?'

Weasley was about to launch himself at Severus, when the Headmaster took him by the shoulders, and began to talk to him quietly.

'It was no one's fault. We had no way of knowing. We could not see this. It is definitely not Severus' fault. Calm down. For Harry.'

The fire in Weasley's eyes dimmed a little. He now started pacing like a caged beast, asking all the questions no one but the boy lying alone swamped in Severus' own bed could possibly answer. Questions of why and what he had been thinking.

Granger was beginning to collect herself, pulling herself to a standing position with the doorframe, but the tears still ran unchecked down her reddening cheeks and nose.

The grief in the air was palpable as the three who supposedly knew him best, but he failed to see what had been so carefully hidden, and obvious to Severus alone, that the Boy-Who-Still-Lived did not wish to, and for once the tabloids had got it right.

Granger hiccoughed, and it seemed to finally dawn upon Weasley that she was there, and on pure automatic instinct, he opened his arms to the weeping girl.

'When will he awaken?'

The question startled Severus, who was lost in a minefield of poisonous questions with no easy answers, and he blinked at the Headmaster for a few minutes before finally,

'Any time, Headmaster, but he could awaken soon.'

The two still huddled together groped blindly for something to sit on, still entangled in each other, and the four settled down to wait.

Hours passed, or so it seemed, until, after even Granger's sniffles had stopped, Potter began to stir…

TBC

**Authur'sNote:**Review replies on my Live Journal, which is the homepage link... please keep reviewing, I appreciate every single one... See you soon... maybe :evil laugh:


	6. An Awakening

**Title: **When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author: **FlossPyromaniac

**Rating: **M

**Notes: **For Wolfie, Bats, Cashmere, Kay and all my wonderful reviewers, thank you so much! And, as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE and introducing... BAD LANGUAGE! This one's from Harry's POV beacuase, well, it had to be... Happy Holidays!

**Disclaimer: **Not Mine, No Money, don't sue.

**Chapter Six: An Awakening**

Harry felt himself begin to wake up, and knew instantly that something had gone wrong. He also felt something attached to his arm, digging through his skin, making him itch.

The temptation to tear it out and run as fast as he could from whatever bed they had him in was overwhelming.

Harry didn't want to open his eyes, to see the faces of the people he could hear moving in the room, the disappointment, the anger, the guilt. Harry didn't want to deal with anything. He just wanted to go back to sleep, and never wake up. But, of course, that was too much to ask…

His eyes seemed to open of their own volition, and he was mildly surprised not to be confronted with the bright lights and sterile walls of the hospital wing. Instead Harry found himself staring in the gloom, and the last person he expected to see walked across his blurred line of sight. There was no mistaking those robes though.

Snape had been watching him.

Of all the fucking people, they had left him in the hands of Snape. They should have just let him fall.

Harry felt his glasses being placed gently on his face, and the Headmaster came round into view. The first thing Harry noticed was the lack of insane twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes.

'Harry, my boy, how are you feeling?'

Of the sodding inane questions.

'Remarkably alive, Headmaster, and you?'

Dumbledore's face fell yet further as he looked at Harry, and seemed, for once, to be unsure of how exactly to answer someone's question.

'I am at a loss, my boy.'

'Ain't we fucking all?'

A feminine voice gasped his name. Hermione was in the room and clearly holding herself back from a tirade on the proper mode of address to authority figures. It was all Harry could do to keep from snorting.

'Why Harry? Why would you choose to do this.'

'Because nobody wants used goods, which is pretty damn obvious from the fact you've got me hidden down here like a bloody leper.'

Nobody seemed to have an answer to that.

The silence dragged on, and just as Harry was contemplating going back to sleep, the final voice in the room spoke up.

'What about us Harry? Don't you care about your friends? Or weren't the squealing fans enough for you.'

'Fuck you Ron.'

The door slamming as Ron rushed out was his only reply.

Hermione came into view, and took Harry's hand. She wouldn't look him in the eyes though. He could see her swollen features in the candlelight, but any guilt he felt was squashed down. He needed fewer people around so he could plan his next attempt.

The tiredness, the empty ache that had been with Harry for so long came crushing back down onto him. He knew he didn't have long to get rid of everyone before he fell back to sleep.

'Won't you even look at me, friend? What can you see now that you couldn't see before? Or maybe you just didn't care. I had a job to do right? A bleedin' mission from the highest powers. And now it's done. Why are you even here?'

'I care a-a-about you Harry, I d-don't want you to die.'

The tears that had clearly been shed before were back with a vengeance, flooding down her face, dripping onto her clothes and Harry's hand. The Headmaster looked on at the disillusioned and injured young man that lay swamped by black sheets, looking already as if he was covered in his shroud. It looked like a dark foreshadowing of the future, as Dumbledore watched the young man push his friends away, as only one who had known someone so well could.

'Just get out. Go look up a way to cure this. Then you'll never come back.'

A second slam resounded in the room.

Snape had remained remarkably silent through all this. It made Harry feel weak, that he could bring even this man to pity. The impenetrable shield around the greaseball had fallen to one suicidal saviour. Or maybe he just couldn't see James Potter ever taking the plunge off the tallest tower in Hogwarts.

'You will be staying down here with Professor Snape until you are healed and…'

'And you can trust me not to go for the nearest razor blade?'

'And you are fully rested.'

'Fuck you.'

This time the door closed with a barely audible click.

And Harry stared at his prison warden, determined not to give an inch, until he couldn't fight it any longer and the cold blanket of oppressive weight closed down on him and he fell back into a restless sleep.

TBC

**Author's Note: **Well this is my Christmas present to my wonderful reviewers, and I hope you enjoy it. I would love to have 50 reviews by the time this fic is finished, so if you _do_ like it, recommend me please! Well without further ado, My thanks to...

**mikemack/Jeni/Heather/Horrorburn/BlasphemyMaker/Eyeinthesky**

Please keep reviewing, Happy Holidays andI hope tosee you all after Christmas!

Floss


	7. A Confrontation

**Title: **When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author: **FlossPyromaniac

**Rating: **M

**Notes: **It's all getting pear-shaped from here on in... for **mikemack **for reviewing every chapter I've written. SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE and BAD LANGUAGE. Unbeta'd... you have been warned!

**Discliamer: **Not mine, never will be, no money so don't sue.

**Chapter Seven: A Confrontation**

Severus Snape looked over at the damaged child, his face still tense and his body curled up as he slept and wondered how in the nine hells he was supposed to pull their young saviour from the depression he had clearly fallen into.

They had no common ground, none that Severus would admit to anyway, and there was years of hatred and distrust between them that meant the grudging mutual civility they had achieved would never be enough to do as Dumbledore asked.

What was the old coot thinking this time?

The boy had not reacted in a way that had surprised Severus; he had seen first hand this side of Harry's nature during the Occulmency debacle during his 5th year. Severus also saw something he had never expected from the Boy-Who-Lived, he had carefully, if perhaps not consciously, pushed away everyone who would prevent him from attempting to take his life again.

That piece of knowledge was almost as disturbing as the fact that Severus had started thinking of him as 'Harry'.

It was not often in his life that Severus Snape found himself without a solution to a problem, or at least a starting point.

How was he to make Harry see he had something to live for?

Perhaps it would be better to ascertain why exactly he felt he had nothing to live for in the first place.

Severus returned to the chair he had sat in previously to watch over Harry, noticing for the first time the Scotch he had left behind earlier and prepared himself for yet another long wait.

Severus first noticed Harry stirring at what he assumed to be early afternoon and was treated to harsh green eyes glaring in his general direction. He moved the boy's glasses over to place them on the bed and they were put on before the glare returned with renewed vigour.

Severus fought every instinct that told him to glare back and instead placed his long practiced blank expression on his face.

'If you will consent to stay still Ha-Potter I will remove the drip from your arm.'

The glare did not lessen, but Harry made not attempts to move as Severus came towards him and tapped his wand against the drip, simply saying _Evanesco_.

Snape looked over at the heated eyes of the boy lying in his bed

'Why did you do it Harry?'

The sneer he received was worthy to be one of his own.

'Why do you care? I would have thought you'd dance for joy when I was gone. Bet you were so angry when the Headmaster brought me down here,'

Severus could not fail to register faint relief that Harry had not realised he had been saved by Severus himself.

'I will not allow you to take your life whilst in my custody Potter, and your attempts to make me so irate I will leave you here alone will come to no fruition I assure you.'

This time the glare gained a scowl to complement it.

Severus had an idea, not a good idea, and certainly not one the Headmaster would approve of, but an idea nonetheless.

'Stop scowling Potter, are you angry that you didn't get your own way again? Or was this simply another way of gaining pity for the poor Boy-Who-Lived?'

The glare had now been replaced by a somewhat dumbfounded expression. Clearly Harry had not being expecting this reaction.

'Poor Potter, whatever will all your fans think? You have no right to feel sorry for yourself, you worthless, bleating brat.'

'Shut up, just shut up!'

'Don't like the truth Boy? You have failed everyone with these weak, selfish actions and for what?'

The fire was back in Harry's eyes, they almost seemed to spark with anger. Severus reflected that it was perhaps not the best idea to anger one of the most powerful wizards in the world.

'What do you know? What can you tell me? That I owe the whole world something? For saving them from their own problems, the monster they left **me **to deal with because they were to damn weak to do it themselves? They don't give a shit about me Snape. I'm done. I killed the big, bad wolf and nobody needs a fucking thing from me anymore. I played my part, I was your weapon and now I'm done. So leave me to die, just… leave me.'

'No.'

It was like a signal, the boy gave him one incredulous look and all the pain, fear and uncertainty poured out of Harry in a wave of sadness that almost took Severus off his feet. The boy lay in a foetal position of his bed, buried in his covers choking out harsh sobs.

Severus could only blame instinct as his motivation for scooping up Harry in to his arms and holding him while he shook. Harry clutched blindly at the comfort that was being offered, and Severus knew he had forgotten who was in the room with him. Eventually Harry stopped and he looked up into Severus' face and immediately scrambled off his lap.

'I don't want your pity Snape.'

'I do not offer it.'

They both sat in silence for a while, each trying their hardest not to think about what had just passed between them.

Severus saw Harry's head snap up and his eyes narrow behind his glasses.

'You bastard.'

Severus gave Harry credit for being quick on the update but he did not relish his reaction.

'You tricked me. Manipulated me. You're no better than the rest of them, telling me it's all for my own good. Bullshit. You hear me Snape, do what you have to do as the Headmaster's pet but don't go fucking with me. I don't want your 'help'. I don't want ANYTHING from you!'

Severus watched as Harry sprang up from the bed with astounding energy and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door.

Severus lept up after him and pushed at the bathroom door. It was locked. Shit.

'Potter! Potter open this door right now! Potter! Potter! Harry! Harry please…'

TBC

**A/N:** Does anybody actually read these things?You didn't think it would be that easy did you::smirks:Anyways 9 reviews, I love you guys so much! And without further ado, my thanks to:

**Kuramalovergirl/Horrorburn/Sophia/Eyeinthesky/n0b0dysang31/mikemack/Jeni/My-Uneasy-Heart/180-By-Summer**

Resists urge to glomp reviewers... Anyways anoymous review responses on my lj, which is my homepage and please keep reviewing!

Love to you all,

Floss


	8. A Development

**Title: **When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author: **FlossPyromaniac

**Rating: **M

**Notes:** For Iridescent Twilight or NakedTom!Whore or whatever the hell she's calling herself. And of course my beta iheartwillhoge. SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE and BAD LANGUAGE. If you don't like it bugger off.

**Disclaimer:** Yes! I own Harry Potter, and Starbucks and Microsoft which is why I'm sat here writing this shite. Or not.

**Chapter Eight: A Development**

Severus was scared. He wasn't used to feeling scared, even whilst facing down a psychotic megalomaniac he felt no fear. As he banged on his own bathroom door he could almost appreciate the irony of his frisson of fear being directed at the former bane of his existence. It then occurred to him that he was a wizard and should stop acting like a paranoid muggle mother. _Alohamora!_

He waited. It hadn't worked. He was sorely tempted to kick himself for being so foolish as to imagine that would work with the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Defeat-Voldemort on the other side. After five minutes of frantically racking his brains as to what to do he gave up and blasted the door to pieces.

Harry stood by the sink with a razor in his hand, ready to re-open the scars on his wrists. Severus was returned to that abominable state of panic which led to him **caring** about the boy. _Accio razor._

'If you please Mr Potter, would you return to my bed and cease trying to paint my bathroom in a Gryffindor red?'

This led to a muttered 'Bastard', but thankfully compliance.

'Mr Potter, if you do not refrain from trying to end your life whilst I am supposed to be helping you heal you will be tied to this bed, do I make myself clear?'

A smirk that any Slytherin would have been proud of made its way across Harry's face.

'Of course, sir, I never knew you had such a kinky streak.'

Severus was fighting very hard against the urge to let his jaw drop. Clever little bugger, much better tactics this time thought Severus. Severus made a decision there and then. In order to get Harry out of his depression he had to do what no one ever had. To treat him like a normal person. He would set the boy to work, when he could be trusted not to use the knives for… inappropriate purposes, and get him started on some potions work for the next year.

Severus let a wicked smirk of his own slide across his face.

'Of course you did Potter, but I can… reinforce that if you wish.'

The look of fear that crossed Harry's face was too much to bear after the events of the previous two days and Severus could no longer hold down the hysterical laughter that bubbled up in his throat.

The next time he looked up Harry's face was one of complete astonishment, but there was a small quirk of the corner of his lips that gave Severus a little hope.

'Will you listen to me now?'

A small, cautious nod was returned to him.

'You will not do that again whilst in my chambers. I do not know your reasons, nor do I truly expect to understand them. Frankly, I have no care to hear them. Whatever crisis you are having is your own. If you believe I can be of some assistance then I will endeavour to do so but you will have to ask me for it, do I make myself clear?'

Another, more perceptible nod, and a look of something which could almost be likened to gratitude. Severus was a little worried about the lack of speech, but he hid it carefully behind his favourite blank mask.

'Do you wish to eat something?'

The emerald eyes narrowed.

'You cannot starve yourself to death. I have potions I can pour down your throat once you are too weak to move.'

A glare. Perhaps progress was a little too much on the hopeful side of things.

'Do not glare at me Potter, I am simply stating a fact.'

'Harry.'

'What?'

'You called me Harry earlier.' He had noticed that. Bugger.

'If we are to spend so much time together I would prefer you to call me that, rather than the name which clearly only reminds you of my father.'

Perceptive little monster. Severus nodded in acquiescence and fought hard against the desire to do the same. After five minutes of mental wrestling he choked out.

'Perhaps you had best call me Severus, we are after all sharing quarters.' A smirk 'In point of fact, Po-Harry, you currently have my bed.'

A raised eyebrow greeted him. Severus was beginning to truly understand why people found him so infuriating, this non-verbal mocking was enough to make your skin itch in irritation.

Severus scowled and turned to the fireplace to order some soup from the kitchens. Seconds later a tray with soup appeared on the table, presumably for him, and a small pool appeared in front of Harry. Obviously the house elves had noticed how damnably thin the boy was.

They ate in silence, Harry unable to eat more than half of his soup, which Severus simply gave him a piercing look over and banished the remainders back to the kitchen.

He was exhausted, it suddenly occurred to him. He swayed gently and quickly got a hold of himself. He would not fall asleep before Harry; he was not that foolish or tired yet. The realisation that he would have to take care for this suffering child, for who knew how long really hit him as he made his way to the chair by his bed.

Damn you Albus, he thought tiredly and not for the first time.

He heard the boy rustling around in the covers, burying himself as he too succumbed to the calls of sleep. He hoped that he could help Harry.

Severus blinked, where had that thought come from? He didn't care that much about Harry, he didn't. He wouldn't. He couldn't. He looked over at the pale young man that lay nestled amongst his own sheets and refused to accept that he wanted anything more than to get the boy out of his chambers as fast as possible. He would do this for any student and it had no bearing on his feeling towards Harry. Who he could no longer think of as Potter, who was no longer a miniature James to torment him. As Severus checked once more that Harry was indeed already asleep he drifted off, he wondered if there was any way to convince himself that Harry was still the bane of his existence.

TBC

**A/N:** Just so you all know, I really don't like this chapter. It's all rather getting away from me, sowho knows what will happen next, if I can find some time to write the bloody thing.It has also been brought to my attention that 24 people are on story alert for this bugger, and that about 3 of you have reviewed. Is it too much to ask for you to say something? Whine all you want aboutmebegging for reviews, but press that weird coloured button please! Anyways my thanks to:

**180-By-Summer/Mariana/mikemack/kears/Heather/Setg' -in/atvgirl1288/NakedTom!Whore (pick a name any name...)**

Floss


	9. An Explanation

**Title:** When Destiny Is All You Have (must think of shorter titles)

**Author:** FlossPyromaniac

**Rating:** M

**Notes**: Thank you to my lovely reviewers, and can I getup tofifty for this chapter? My thanks, as always to **iheartwillhoge** for the beta and as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE and for a future chapter CHARACTER DEATH (mwhahahahahaha) Feel free to try and guess whom…

**Disclaimer:** I haven't updated in weeks cos I was writing book 7 :coughbullshitcough: I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells.

Chapter 9: An Explanation 

Severus woke up and regretted it instantly. Some more appropriate sleeping arrangements would have to be made as if he kept spending his nights in that accursed chair he would end up more bent than Albus. He looked over at the boy in his bed, with his features twisted and tense even in sleep.

Severus sighed. The boy was not going to like what was to happen to him for the rest of the holidays. He had never appreciated potions at all, but what else could Severus do with him? Play Quidditch? Severus shuddered at the mere though of being shown up by an uppity Gryffindor brat. Even if he wasn't.

Severus was really beginning to hate whatever it was that threw in those little comments.

The ache in his back was beginning to grate on even Severus' pain tolerance and he rose from the chair to a lovely cracking sound that suggested his vertebrae had resumed their normal position. Something would definitely have to be done about the sleeping arrangements. He quickly scanned his quarters, looking for somewhere to put an additional bed and found he didn't even have room for a small sofa.

This could present a serious problem.

Just as he was attempting to find a viable solution to his special problems Severus saw the boy buried under the thick block covers begin to shift around. With a sigh, he returned to the chair to await Harry's awakening.

Confused and sleep fogged eyes looked across at Severus as he sat in the chair which he was becoming increasingly convinced was actually a subtle torture method and blinked. He saw the coy clearly trying to get himself to focus on the person before him, and Severus then had the prudence to hand the boy his glasses.

The eyes widened in shock. Severus was worried – had Harry forgotten where he was? If he was suffering from memory loss then perhaps there was something from Harry's battle with Voldemort that had led to it. He would need to be questioned on that later.

'Harry, please get dressed on join me in the next room for breakfast. You should be sufficiently well to get up from this bed today.'

The look of shock had deepened into one of puzzled bemusement. Severus could almost see the parts of Harry's brain fighting with what was going on. And that didn't worry him in the slightest. It didn't.

'Yes, Professor.'

'I gave you permission to call me Severus whilst in these rooms Harry.'

The boy blinked again.

That would definitely have to be dealt with later.

Severus swept out of the room in search of some floo power and to place his order for breakfast, and tea. Good, strong tea.

Harry appeared shortly after the food arrived on the table from the kitchens, with again a suitably huge portion for Harry. Severus resisted the urge to comment on the huge clothes the boy was wearing. They sat down to eat in silence, neither one looking at each other, until Severus noticed the boy was drinking his tea black, as Severus himself did.

'I can get you milk and sugar Harry. I do not take it in my own tea, so the House elves did not send any down.'

Harry looked up at Severus with something akin to the beginnings of a smile. Severus determinedly ignored the desire to smile in return.

'I like it black thank you Pro- Severus but thank you for the offer.'

Severus inwardly sighed. How was he to bring up the topic of the boy's stay with him? He was no good at talking to most people; he avoided having to do so at all costs usually. Only Albus could ever get long, civil answers out of him. Sometimes.

Severus was in the awkward position where the silence was beginning to drag and his mind was not being the least bit cooperative in suggestion a solution to his oral problems. How was he to bring up a subject to which the boy would undoubtedly show his newly acquired apathy towards and convince him that it would be a good idea. Potions tutoring would not help show the boy he had something to live for, but what else could he do?

Severus was beginning to annoy himself with all the questions buzzing around his brain like so many angry Gryffindor first years.

He was thus rather surprised when Harry broke the silence for him.

'S-Severus, what do you expect me to do whilst I am here? You must have things to do, so perhaps you could leave me here with a book while you do… whatever you need to. I do not wish to be a burden.'

Severus merely raised an eyebrow, and Harry sighed.

'Somehow I didn't think you would agree to that.'

'I am not quite that senile yet Po-Harry.'

Severus was inwardly rejoicing that the boy had given him the opportunity to dive straight into the topic at hand.

'What I propose is to give you tutoring for next year in potions. You will need much greater skills if you are to have any hope of passing your NEWT.'

Severus fought the urge to sneer as he normally did at the end of such as speech. It would not be wise to anger Harry at this moment.

Instead of the expected horror, or possibly disbelief, a look of mild interest crossed Harry's features.

'Really sir? Only, I had been having some difficulty with the composition of the _Vix Vides_ potion and I was wondering if you could explain why you would not put some demiguise hair in to strengthen your own… what? I'm sorry Professor, did I say something to offend you?'

'I asked you to call me Severus' He replied absently.

Severus' thoughts were going a mile a minute on the inside though. Where had the boy heard of the potion? First of all, it was far more advanced than anything he taught here and the boy simply should not have the skills to make it. Secondly he knew of ingredients and their properties, knowledge never really demonstrated before. Finally, and most worryingly, Vix Vides was widely considered a dark potion as it could permanently blind the person who it was thrown at...

Severus definitely need to talk to the boy about the final battle.

'Where did you hear of the potion Harry? I know it is not something I would consider presenting even my NEWT classes with, and you have not shown any true aptitude or awareness of potions previously…'

Harry looked a little wide-eyed, obviously he had blundered his way into making another mistake.

'I… um… well… MoodywasgivingmeprivatetrainingtodefeatVoldemort.'

'Please repeat at a pace comprehensible to someone other than Granger.'

'Moody was giving me private training to defeat Voldemort.'

Severus fought for the second time in days not to let his jaw drop. Harry had been training in secret with **Moody**? How could he not have known? No wonder Harry knew potions and battle magic; Moody was one of the best Auror trainers in recent history.

'Very well, Harry, I can understand why you have such levels of knowledge, but why did you not demonstrate it in my lessons?'

'The best tactics are those which are kept secret.'

Definitely trained by Moody.

'Harry, I regret to do this to you so soon...'

A rather fearful look entered Harry's eyes, along with what looked to be… gratitude? Severus knew he must have been reading that one wrong.

'…But the Headmaster has asked for greater information regarding the Final battle with the Dark L-Voldemort.'

Harry blinked. Obviously the boy had not been expecting that to be his question.

'There are Death Eater testimonies that you were hit by several _Crucios_, _tormenta _and were disarmed before you defeated the Da-Voldemort.'

Harry closed his eyes, and began his tale in a monotone.

'I apparated into the meeting and Voldemort taunted me as usual, I closed my eyes…'

'You closed your eyes? Was that sagacious by any means? Foolish boy…'

'I found out if you close your eyes and convert the magical trails charm to one which allows you to see magic signatures it is easier to mark the trajectory of the spell and avoid it. Besides, having my eyes closed disturbed Snake-face.'

Severus inwardly chuckled at the one. It then sank in what Harry had said; he had managed to convert a complex charm into something infinitely more useful, and by the sounds of it, he had done it himself. Even Lily Evans couldn't do anything that complex in her sixth year! The urge to let his jaw drop was becoming as persistent as Granger's questions. Harry continued on obliviously.

'I also found that be modifying the charm to make metal act as an effective lighting conductor, you can make the _Crucio _curse, and those of its lilk pass across the hairs on top of your skin and be conducted into the ground. As to being disarmed, Moody and I found I could perform wandless magic quite well, and even put more power behind it, as my wand wouldn't work against Voldemort, so I cast _anima deleo_ and that was it.'

This time Severus did let has jaw drop, and unknowingly showed a remarkable resemblance to one Ronald Weasley when surprised. He simple could not contemplate the level of skill with charms and magical power the boy had. It was unfathomable as to why the boy seemed to think he had nothing to give, he had invented a way to stop the cruciatus curse for Merlin's sake!

'So really, it wasn't anything someone else couldn't have…Pro-Severus? What is it?'

'You are an astounding young man.'

The look of skepticism and disbelief on Harry's face was the most articulate answer he received.

'No, I'm not.'

Severus made sure that, in the future, this remarkable and gifted young man would understand that he has a great deal to live for.

'If you have trained as much as I assume you have, then we can begin to look over the 7th year course and I am confident we can quickly move onto Mastery level work.

The slight quirking of Harry's lips was the most satisfactory response he had received in a very, very long time. Severus returned his own small smile and realised that the two of them had seemed to move past the animosity they had shared for so long. This may be easier than he thought it would be.

'On a more domestic note Harry, as I mentioned earlier we have a issue.'

'Your kinky tendencies?'

How the brat could look and sound so innocent was utterly beyond Severus. He mocked-glared at Harry and composed his dignity.

'That comment will not be dignified with a response. You have my bed Harry, and I will not sleep in that chair another night.'

Harry looked confused as to where he was going with this particular line of thought.'

'There is no room to add an additional bed to my quarters.'

Harry eyes widened in comprehension.

'We will have to share the bed, but as we are both mature people that should not cause a problem.'

Harry had that distinct deer-in-the-wandlight look. He visibly gathered himself together, much to the mystification of Severus.

'Of course not Profes-Severus.'

The two men resolved to push any difficulties in sleeping together to the back of each's respective mind and continued with the rest of their day, both reading various different potions texts and steadfastly ignoring the thought of sharing the same bed. Severus though it felt too… intimate for the newly developing amiability between them. He could not sleep another night in that chair though, he simply couldn't. Neither man was particularly looking forward that that night.

Later that day the two men gingerly climbing into bed together and turned to face opposite walls, patently trying forget who was on the other side of the bed. As always, Severus waited until he heard Harry's breathing even out before succumbing to sleep himself.

TBC

**A/N: READ ME! THIS IS IMPORTANT:** By the time it was done I was sick of staring at it. I know it's been a long time, but it is a much longer chapter as promised, over 2,000 words, and they should increase in length until I find a good level to stop at. Firstly, RL is getting very difficult at the moment, so I will do my best to update weekly on Saturday at some point, and more reviews will make me want to write more. I've had serious writer's block, so this chapter is not so good. On the plus side, I have everything planned out now. We're looking at 25-27 chapters in all, and I know what will happen, they just need writing. Also, in case you're thinking 'Huh? Is Harry better all of a sudden?' Then, no, he isn't. Harry is still very depressed but has realised he'll have to try to make the most of what he's got for the time being and that's why he seems so much improved in this chapter. I hope you'll all stick with me, and I will try not to leave it so long next time…

Floss

**B/N:** Having talked to good ole' Floss mostly everyday, be appreciative that this got out at all. She's a very busy and talented woman. She does talk to me a lot, and you could be saying, "She should be writing her fic instead of talking to you," but it helps the 'creative process.' :sneezethatsabigloadofshitsneeze: Thanks! iheartwillhoge

And my thanks to:

**AngelLovePhoenix/frostyhogwarts/Kumaralovergirl/Angelus McCauley/Naked!Tom Whore/Setg' -in/ angel of chaos/180-By-Summer/mikemack/tythin/Quidditch-Star4/kears/atvgirl1288/Kittery**

Wow! 14 reviews!I hope you'll all stick with me, and bring your friends along

Floss


	10. A Problem

**Title:** When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author:** FlossPyromaniac

**Rating:** M

**Notes:** Thank you to my lovely reviewers, I'm sorry it's late again and it's a little short. My apologies, and the next one will probably be a little short also. The slash (sort of) starts here. Unbeta'd and as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE and for a future chapter CHARACTER DEATH (mwhahahahahaha) Feel free to try and guess whom…

**Disclaimer:** I haven't updated in weeks cos I was writing book 7 :coughbullshitcough: I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells.

**Chapter 10: A Problem**

Severus Snape woke up feeling contented for the first time in months. There was a warm body lying next to him, partially on top of him even, and the feeling way very gratifying. He restrained the urge to snuggle up to the person, as Severus Snape did not 'cuddle' in bed, no matter how long it had been. The lack of hangover was a little worrying though, as he had no recollection of whomever it was next to him. It was a very nice body though, firm and lightly muscled with slightly golden skin. A little on the thin side; but altogether a very appealing person. He was also very young looking and Severus wondered how he'd lucked into this one. Severus looked over him, clearly aroused, and wondered whether to wake his partner for another go.

It then occurred to him who was actually sleeping next to him.

Severus almost sighed out loud in relief when he realised that they were only sharing the bed because Harry was in his quarters whilst he healed. He hadn't slept with a student.

It then further occurred to him that said student was wrapped around him and he had gotten aroused from looking at him.

The desire to leap out of the bed in horror and disgust with himself was near overwhelming.

The boy looked more peaceful than Severus had ever seen him though, soaking up the warmth of his own body, taking comfort in his presence. No, his bedmate's presence. Harry did not know with whom he was curled up, or he would have moved away instantly, even in sleep, Severus was sure. It was a natural desire to seek comfort after such an experience. That was all. That was all it could be.

Severus slowly disentangled himself from the man in his bed. No, his student. The Boy-Who-Lived. James Potter's son. He refused to be aroused by the continued presence of this young man in his bed and informed himself as much several times. Unfortunately his body treacherously refused to believe him. He was not going to be reduced to wanking in the shower thinking about one of his students.

Yet, he had to anyway.

Severus had just finished buttoning up his outer robe when Albus' head appeared in the fire, and as pleasant as that image was of the Headmaster's head burning, a call at this time could only mean bad news.

'I hope you are decent Severus, and that I haven't caught you at a bad time.'

Of course not Albus, Severus thought, but you knew that before you called you ridiculous quasi-omniscient withered old coot.

'If you could step up to my office at your earliest convenience, I have something to discuss with you.'

This did not bode well at all.

'Of course.'

Severus sighed, downed some coffee, which had appeared on his side cupboard and prepared himself for the mental torture that was a 'discussion' with Albus.

Feeling somewhat strengthened, he flooed up the Headmaster's office, and found Albus there, already pouring tea.

This definitely did not bode well. If he was not even being given the chance to attempt to decline the tea… well, it wasn't good.

Severus sniffed the drink handed to him subtly and found it contained calming potion. The somewhat inane thought that Voldemort was in fact still alive was beginning to dance through Severus' brain. What could possibly require all this? The boy had not tried to kill himself again, and had been left with an enthusiastic House elf to watch over him until Severus returned. What could it be?

'Lucius Malfoy has escaped the Aurors' custody and his whereabouts are currently unknown.'

Yes, that was definitely enough to warrant all this. Severus took a large slug of his tea before answering.

'I see.'

Wonderfully eloquent. Bravo, Severus.

'When did he escape? Do we know what his next move is likely to be?'

'We suspect he will come for Harry. It would probably be best if you returned to him now, you will need to keep a close eye on his, Severus, as Lucius has very little to lose. I thought you should know, though, Severus.'

'Thank you, Albus. I will see you later, I suppose.'

Severus barely acknowledged the flow of the floo around him as he returned to his quarters. Lucius was free. His best friend for so long, and his greatest foe. Perhaps even something more. He would not examine that know. The temptation to go towards the liquor cabinet and get ridiculously drunk was nigh overwhelming. He could not though. He had to protect the boy, with his soft green eyes so full of pain and lost youth.

Whatever it was throwing in those comments would drive him insane one day. **STUDENT** you fool! Understand that!

This was far too much to have to deal with in one day.

He returned to find Harry thankfully still asleep and the House Elf hovering around the bed, like some sort of deranged mother hen. Severus vaguely recalled being informed that Harry had freed one of the House Elves from Lucius.

Lucius. Couldn't he get away from him even for a moment? Everything he thought about him hurt. They had been close once, before they had fallen from grace, into Voldemort's ranks. Lucius had become the perfect Death Eater and he had become a spy. Things were never the same after that, but something between then could not be broken. Severus had never confirmed any accusations against Lucius and he had done the same.

The temptation to go to his liquor cabinet just increased tenfold.

Harry was finally stirring, moving jerkily under the covers and sitting up with a jerk.

'Good Morning.'

The boy blinked at him, and Severus vowed to do something about his damnable eyesight.

'We will not be starting work today.'

Thankfully Harry did not demand explanations as to why he had changed the plans, but then Severus had hardly expected him to. He received a quick nod of acknowledgement and he slid out of the bed and into the bathroom, leaving the door open. Severus heaved a mental sigh of relief over that. He did not have the strength to deal with any attempts today.

Lunch was ordered and they ate in silence, both picking at the food. Severus barely even noticed that Harry had spent the meal pushing bits of food round his plate. He was lost in thought of what would happen. Lucius was free. He was after Harry.

Both of them spent the afternoon in different chairs, reading something or another idly. Severus had an advanced potions book in front of him, full of delicate, beautifully designed potions and only obtainable by a master. It could not interest him today.

Neither of then spoke for the rest of the day.

As the clock informed Severus it was time to get some sleep, if he wanted to be focused enough to start on Pomfrey's healing potions, and a brief frisson of fear fluttered through him. In all his brooding about Lucius he had forgotten he would have to share a bed with the boy again that night.

Harry did not speak; he simply rose from the chair and waited for Severus to follow behind him, with a tired, resigned air about him. It saddened Severus that he was seen as an unwanted caretaker, someone to make the boy's life even harder. It hurt him that he could only be that to him.

Severus undressed facing carefully away from Harry, he did not want to see the body that tormented him, made him into something yet more deplorable that his Death Eater roots. He would not feel this way about a student, especially one whom he was entrusted to protect, from the world and from his own pain.

Severus drifted off into uneasy sleep after Harry breathing had evened again. He dreaded the morning and what it would bring.

TBC

A/N: Yes, It's late again. No. I'm not sorry. I have had the worse fortnight ever and it's not getting any better. The next chapter will probably be short also, as these are sort of filler before the main plot gets started (yes, I admit it) Thank you to all my reviwers:

**Heksie/kears/just deej/lily/Infinite13/Eyeinthesky/mariana/Jeni/SenhoritaLalis/ blackskittles/opal/Heather/Kittery/mickmack/Angelus McCauley/Kumaralovergirl**

And Anonymous review rplies will be posted on my lj (flosspyromaniac dot livejournal dotcom)at some point. Please review!

Floss


	11. A Further Problem

**Title:** When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author:** FlossPyromaniac

**Rating:** M

**Notes:** Thank you to then people who did review and said such nice things. This chapter for **Batsutousai** who wrote me a huge review. Much angst-y confusion in here. Unbeta'd and as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE and for **next** chapter CHARACTER DEATH (mwhahahahahaha) Feel free to try and guess whom…

**IMPORTANT! This chapter is mixed POV. It goes Harry/Sev/Harry/Sev and is seperated by 'ccccccccccc'**

**Disclaimer:** I have my own personal Severus to do with what I wish – don't all ofyou have one?As usual - I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells. All other credit to J.K Rowling

**Chapter 11: A Further Problem**

Harry Potter was confused. There was no other word for it. He was snuggled up against something warm and firm, his arms around whatever it was in front of him. He didn't understand. Every morning he woke up and wished he hadn't. Wished that he could just drift away. This time Harry was feeling decidedly content. He ran a hand lightly down whatever was in front of him and discovered it was a person, a male person at that. A very nicely formed male person. Harry was then totally unsurprised when his body reacted to the proximity of whomever it was lying next to him. He honestly couldn't remember how he got there. Why he had got there for that matter. Random fucking was something he had indulged in when he actually cared about dying at Voldemort's hands.

Harry almost smirked. Wouldn't the wizarding world be shocked to learn their young saviour was a raging fairy? Actually, Harry severely doubted they would care. Not now. He was done.

He looked over the body again. It was very, very nice. Long and thin with light muscles and a few scars scattered around. Had it all been a dream then? Was the bastard still alive? He had killed him hadn't he? Yes, he was a murderer now. Or a saviour. Harry wasn't sure which was worse. He saw the scars on his wrists and knew it wasn't a dream. Flashbacks of the past few days ran through him. Those weren't real were they? Snape listening to him, understanding him without words, with pressure as no one else could. Sharing his chambers and even his first name with the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Wish-He-Hadn't. The one whom Harry had come to trust, just a little. Who actually seemed to care, just a little.

It then occurred to him whom he was in bed with, and just who it was he was getting hard from looking at.

Fuck.

He had come to respect Severus over the last few days, something he hadn't thought possible at the time, hadn't realised until now. He had planted seeds of doubt in Harry's mind. Did Severus care? Did that mean other people did? Harry wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Things were so much easier when the thought he would be dead. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to be dead anymore.

He would do if Severus ever found out what he was thinking.

Harry was brought back to the present with a jolt. He liked his teacher. His **teacher**. That couldn't be right. It was true though, even though he knew it was Snape he was staring at, it had dissipated his… enthusiasm for the body in front of him. He hadn't notice the man only wore bottoms to bed. He was grateful though.

No he wasn't. He wasn't. This man had helped him, in his own way. He hadn't kicked him out yet. He had offered him potions help. He would not repay the man by pressing the attentions of a freak like him onto Severus. He was nothing. A used up weapon with nothing left to give and he wouldn't feel like this about his Professor.

The thought he would have to let go of Severus soon was almost painful. It twisted that part of him that told him to make a run for the bathroom and a razorblade.

He would have to be careful around Severus now. He couldn't let on about this latest development; it would do nothing but horrify the man. That this murderer would want him… it was safest to hide.

Could he do it? Of course. Hadn't he been hiding everything from his friends for well over a year? It would be easy to keep it from him. It had to be.

ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Severus was dreading the day ahead. When he woke up the boy had already been awake, which worried him greatly. Almost sensing his concerns, Harry presented both of his wrists for inspection with a clear air of exasperation and… hurt? How could that be?

His skills at reading people had obviously faded with his removal from the Da-Voldemort's service.

The sense of relief he felt when he found the wrists held not knew scars was definitely an alien feeling. It was one Severus had rarely felt before. He had come to… care about this young man, this person so broken by circumstances. In every memory he searched, there was no other time when that had happen. It had been such a short period of time. How could he have gotten so close so quickly? Come to care, to want so much?

He could no longer put off the potions he owed Poppy for the infirmary. They needed to be started now to be ready in time for the beginning of term. How would he cope being with Harry all day? He would be so close… No. There was no way. The boy was suicidal enough as it was. There was no way Severus would add to his already impressive pile of problems with unwanted attention from the greasy git. How he had cultivated that image for so long, to get people away from him. No ties, and a lot of fear. There perfect position for a spy. The last teacher anyone would ever have a crush on.

Not that he wanted them to.

He wanted Harry to though didn't he?

Severus was beginning to really hate that little voice. It was eerily reminiscent of the mutt.

He drifted through his rooms in as close a condition as he ever got to being lost in thought. He still jumped when the Daily Prophet owl dropped the paper on the table. Only the usually post-Voldemort celebrations were shown. His eyes scanned down the front page. Fudge wanted to give Harry the Order of Merlin First Class.

Shit.

Best not to let him find that one out.

Breakfast was ordered again, or at least as much as either of them ever seemed to want breakfast. It seemed to consist of a lot of tea for both of them, with a good dose of caffeine to kick-start the day.

They drank in silence, Severus refusing to make eye contact until he was more focused. Until he could hide again.

'Harry.'

The boy almost dropped the teacup as his name was called. Obviously he had been lost in thought too. Severus needed to divert the boy more often. It was not good for him to have so much time with his own thoughts.

'Sir? Did you want something?'

It occurred to Severus that he had gained the boy's attention and then neglected to say anything else. This was an excellent start to what promised to be a exemplary day.

'We will be brewing healing potions for Madame Pomfrey today. She requires the basic pain potions and dreamless sleep, along with thing that are more complicated such as Skele-gro.'

It was difficult not to notice the flinch that came with the last one.

'Harry? Do you have a problem with that potion? You are not allergic to anything in it, unless I have been greatly misled by Albus.'

Though he wouldn't put it past the old coot.

Harry didn't seem to want to meet his eyes.

'D'you remember the Quidditch match in my second year Pr-Severus?'

Honestly? No… but Severus nodded anyway.

'The bludger broke my arm as I catch the snitch.'

Vague stirrings of memory… something about Lockhart?

'Lockhart removed all the bones in my arm.'

Ah. That would definitely explain the reaction to the mention of Skele-gro. It was one of the more singularly unpleasant experiences anyone could have, and in a former Death Eater's opinion that was saying something.

'My condolences.'

An almost-smile from Harry made his poor attempt at humour seem almost worthwhile. Almost.

They moved together into Severus' private lab and Severus watched as Harry glanced around, taking in all the vantage points and probable exits and entrances. Severus always did the same thing when he went somewhere new. It made him sad to think that someone so young would do the same thing and be marked by paranoia for the rest of his life.

He was drifting again.

They spent of little while just going over the ingredients Severus had, and the different types of cauldron, and how that would affect different potions. The knowledge that Harry had shown a little of earlier was astounding in comparison to his class performances. Severus was beginning to wonder just how good an actor Harry was, to fool everyone for so long and hide all his abilities. They had discussed theory for well over an hour, throwing idea back a forth, Harry barely even seeming to be paying attention, but somehow a little more focused in what he did. Those cool jade eyes seemed to gain a little life as he talked. To Severus, it was nothing short of breathtaking.

They had moved on to actual potion making very quickly after that.

cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Harry was beyond confused. The bone–deep sadness that had been present since he had heard the prophecy, since had had lost Sirius was still there. Still strong, and twisting something inside of him. There was just something that… wasn't. When they had been talking about potions, him and Severus it was like something almost normal. He had been more alive, more awake and had been near basking in the attention of the Potions' Master.

This couldn't be healthy.

Harry internally snorted. What about his life was? Did it really matter how he felt when he was just biding his time?

Harry wasn't so sure he was anymore. Did he still want to die?

Yes.

No matter how he felt about Severus it would do him no good in the end. The man was 20 years his senior and would have no interest in a suicidal saviour with a familial connection to James Potter. He was stuck with this… problem and no way to fix it. A stupid child who had served his purpose in life with the deadliest curse. Voldemort was dead. He was done.

Harry snapped back in to Severus saying something about Skele-gro. He couldn't stop the flinch that came with that. That had to be one of the more painful experiences of his life. All things considered, that was saying something.

He made some sort of response to Severus questions, barely focusing now until one soft, sardonic comment floated into his mind. So simple, and so like him. That voice didn't hurt either.

Bad Harry. Stop That.

Harry worked quietly all afternoon, absorbing the close proximity of Severus, the warm of him. So strange to think of him as warm. He was here under orders though, as Dumbledore instructed him. He didn't care really. Did he? Could he?

The afternoon passed in a blur of slicing and stirring. Healing potions were not exactly taxing to the mind. Not one that had trained so much anyway. Harry was focusing all his attention on trying to listen to that voice and not come there and then.

Gods, that was difficult.

Eventually, who knew how much time later, Severus announced it was time to stop for the day. Harry had to near physically stop himself from staring at the huge number of vials that were set before them. How had he done so much and not noticed?

What if that was it? Had they finished? Severus would leave him then. All alone in the room, while he dealt with more important things. People that mattered. How much could one hospital wing hold?

He wouldn't ask though.

ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

Severus had struggled, as predicted with Harry's closeness all day. They way his hands had moved across the ingredients. It was so…

Severus decided to stop that thought before it went somewhere that would get him into even more trouble.

He barely noticed the evening go by, as they sat in chair reading and passing the occasion comment. Talking about potions, and defense. Safe subjects that were not too connected with the Order. With Voldemort.

He spent most of that time studying Harry. He was undoubtedly beautiful in himself, with a slight androgynous look, presumably from his size as well a his features. Harry had always been small. It was his eyes that drew people though, Severus could tell. Large jade coloured orbs clouded by pain and harsh experiences and things that no one should have seen. Severus had seen that look in his own eyes, in those of the Order. It didn't belong on a young man's face. It gave an ethereal sense to him that was so captivating though.

It then occurred to Severus it was time to go to bed. The bed he shared with Harry.

Something around here **really** hated him.

He felt like a third year with his first real crush. It was by no means a dignified position to be in, and dignity was all that Severus had left now.

He sent a mental prayer out to any deity who could hear him, or Albus, who he had no doubt could hear him to, to deliver him from this torment.

Nothing came and Severus lay listening to the breathing of his pupil until he drifted off into frustrated dreams.

TBC

**A/N: READ ME - IMPORTANT! **Okay people it's time to pay attention again. I am totally rushed off my feet. I have so much work to do it's just not funny. It's taken me far too long to write this cos I wanted it to be longer for all of you. The next chapter will be out… hell I don't know when, but hopefully next week. It's all going to get very complicated…

Right now, I have very little drive to write. I know there are lots of you reading this, because there are 51 people on story alert, but only 10 of the people who read this reviewed. Please, please say something. Do you like something, not like something? Is the characterisation of someone going dodgy? Do you have any ideas or requests for the future? Any ideas as to whom is going to die (next chapter people!)

Help me please, and I can try to get this stuff out faster for you.

My thanks to:

**lollenk/Angelus McCauley/Batsutousai (thankee for the huge review honey)/Sophia/kizunakat/Setg' –in/Gryffens/Kumaralovergirl/mikemack/kears**

**xxxxx**

**Floss**


	12. An Altercation

Title: When Destiny Is All You Have

Author: FlossPyromaniac

Rating: M

Notes: Thank you to then people who did review and said such nice things. This chapter for **steffles24** who wrote me a huge review and seems to have stolen the other half of my brain. I'd quite like it back really, cos that's the side I use to write . Much angst-y confusion in here. My thanks to **iheartwillhoge and huge, huge thanks to suzukiravenfire**and as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE and for **THIS** chapter CHARACTER DEATH (mwhahahahahaha) Feel free to try and guess whom…

Disclaimer: I have my own personal Severus to do with what I wish – don't you?

As usual - I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells. All other credit to J.K Rowling

**Chapter 12; An Altercation**

They had gotten started on the potions work early this morning. Harry found it a little odd that they had both woken up so early, and that neither of them seemed to want to eat. He probably drove Severus from his food. The way his life was turning out lately he wouldn't wonder if that was the case. Why did people wonder why he wanted to be dead?

Harry was having a little difficulty concentrating on the daisy roots he was supposed to be chopping with a nice warm Severus standing only inches away from him, meticulously stirring a cauldron.

Harry wondered if madness could be transferred and if so, was this Voldy's final revenge? Making him drool over his potions professor who was the only person he seemed to have left. Who had refused to leave him like the others did. Not that he was concerned about that. Or how easy it had been to push them away. Farthest thing from his mind really. Really.

The Headmaster was threatening to visit at some point. Apparently there were things they 'needed to discuss'. Harry was trying to work out if he was being sectioned or somebody else was dead.

Knowing his luck, it was probably both.

Harry was shocked out of his contemplations of the Headmaster's latest form of torture by warm hands covering his own and taking away the knife.

Harry braced himself for the bollocking he was about to receive. What had he done wrong now? Merlin, what if Severus kicked him out because of it? He could go back to the tower, with everybody watching him, and fusing and asking if he was okay.

By this point Harry was getting towards the brink of a full-fledged panic attack.

'Stupid boy, you'll cut your own fingers off with that knife if you don't play closer attention.'

Harry automatically flinched at the caustic tone that Severus had… not used?

What?

Severus tone had been almost gentle, a little teasing perhaps but not cruel. Harry eyes flashed up to stare in confusion at a face that showed something he could not read. He felt his eyebrows draw together and Severus' expression resumed it traditionally blank demeanour.

'I think we have done enough for today Harry.'

Harry wasn't sure whether to be relieved by that or not. He didn't know how much longer he could be in the presence of Snape without jumping him. Or rubbing himself against him like a demented cat. Actually… no! Bad thoughts, bad thoughts!

Merlin he was getting even more pathetic. This man had been so good to him. He had done his best when presented with Harry and enough emotion baggage to sink the QE II. He had talked to Harry, tried not to leave him with his own thoughts too much. That had really helped, even if they had only spoken about inane things. Merlin, Snape had made small talk for him. He had done so much and how was Harry repaying him? By having completely inappropriate thought about the only person who still gave a shit. God he was a headcase.

Maybe he should wait until Snape went out and find that razorblade in the bathroom. He could just make things so much easier on everyone again. Nobody would have to be grateful to him for becoming a murderer. Dumbledore could stop worrying. Ron and Hermione could move on (If they hadn't already). Snape could be free from the burden of a complete nut to watch every day. He could go out and have a life, do whatever he wanted now Voldy was gone. How selfish was he being by staying alive?

'Harry? Harry? Insufferable brat, are you listening to me?'

Harry came back from his thoughts with a jump.

'Sorry sir'

A raised eyebrow.

'Sorry Severus'

'Come back and we'll order some lunch. The headmaster will no doubt be down the second he knows we have finished, so please order as much as you like and eat as slowly as possible.'

Harry almost smiled.

What was that?

Oh Merlin.

Snape was half-smiling back.

All the lusty thoughts that had been swirling around Harry's head were back stronger than ever. He looked so damn sexy like that. With his eyes a little softer and his lips a little curved…

Snape was smiling at **him.**

Harry followed Severus back to his rooms in a daze. Was he right then? He was a burden wasn't he? Severus would be glad to get rid of him surely. This was just an assignment from the headmaster; Snape was doing his duty and watching the Saviour for the masses. He probably cursed whoever had saved Harry every day.

Didn't he?

What if this wasn't a false front? Had Snape ever made the effort to be nice to anyone before just because the headmaster had told him so, particularly now he was not relying on the good will of the Headmaster for protection. Did he, could he possibly actually have stopped hating Harry? Maybe he could even like him a little now. If he did, if he actually cared about Harry then he couldn't kill himself, could he? How could he leave someone to actually cared about him to deal with the fact that they had failed? That they hadn't been enough. Could he do that? Could one person be enough for him to live? What if Severus found out? Could he face that?

When had this all gotten so complicated?

Harry had done his best to try to stay focused during lunch. He had listened to Severus, and responded in what he hoped was an intellectual manner, rather than resorting to grunting he had done before he left. There was an ever-growing part of Harry that wanted to make Severus proud of him. Even just a little bit. To no longer see him as James Potter, or as a child. As Severus had recommended, they ordered a full meal from the kitchens, and Harry was still not used to eating again, having neglected to even bother with finding more than what the Dursleys chucked in through the flap in the door. What had been the point? Subsequently, lunch had taken the best part of an hour and then, as if on cue, as always, the headmaster had wandered into Severus' quarters a few seconds after the dishes had vanished.

What was slightly less expected was the fact the he had Ron and Hermione in tow.

Well, Fuck.

This was going to be a fun afternoon.

'Headmaster'

'My dear boy'

Yeah, right. Must be caring and sharing towards our poor afflicted saviour, lest he do a Riddle and go scitzo and start killing people. Well, more people and of a less designated variety.

Harry did his damndest to convey all that through a raised eyebrow.

'Harry'

Hermione's voice was shaking a little. She was speaking almost in those soft tones animal handlers use on wild creatures. It made Harry want to scream. He wasn't going to break if she raised her voice for fuck's sake!

Ron was studiously ignoring him. Harry was trying to quash the little voice commenting on the remarkableness of Ron doing anything studiously. He wasn't trying very hard.

'You came here for a reason Headmaster, and despite your expectations I do have better things to do with my time than play 20 questions with a insane, hypocritical old coot.'

Well didn't that feel better?

The sorrowful look on Dumbledore's face was almost enough to make Harry feel sorry. Almost.

'My boy I come to you with grave news.'

'Well, colour me not shocked. I wonder if we'd speak at all if bad shit didn't keep happening to me don't you?'

Harry swore he saw Severus stifle a smirk at that comment.

'Perhaps it would be best if we sat down for this.'

Definitely not good if he was stalling. What the hell was happening?

'Perhaps it would be best if you asked Severus about that considering these are **his** quarters.'

Harry saw Ron blanche at that. He could decide if it was the fact that Harry had called Snape 'Severus' or that he was standing in the lair of the 'Greasy Git'.

Harry made his way towards his usual chair, facing Severus with the headmaster sat to the side. All of Dumbledore's 150+ year seemed to settle on him at once.

'Harry, Lucius Malfoy has escaped from custody.'

Okay, more direct than he was expecting and well, fuck

'Well, Fuck'

'Harry!'

He turned round to glare at Hermione for that, when it occurred to him that it had not been her who had admonished him.

'Sorry Severus'

'Ahem… He has been seen briefly in the local vicinity and it is fairly definite that it is you, Harry, that he is coming for. Revenge, if you will, for killing Tom.'

Harry was deliberating if it was a good idea or not to tell someone who was suicidal that there was a deranged madman out to kill him. He didn't want to die at the hands of Lucius Malfoy though, and suspected the Headmaster was aware of that.

'You, Ron and Hermione will have to stay here in the castle until he is caught, it is not safe for you to be outside the protective wards of the castle.'

Okay, so he was allowed out to go fight the most dangerous, insane and powerful wizard of the past century but he had to stay inside and be protected because of Lucius Malfoy? Where the hell had logic gone?

'Headmaster, I defeated Voldemort, which I realise you're all having a great time forgetting all about, along with the people who died because of him, but still what do I care about Lucius Malfoy?'

'My boy, we have placed to much on your shoulder, but destiny willed it so'

Harry snorted.

'You do not need to fight this battle. I wish to move you back up into the tower with your friends. I believe I can trust you, now that you have recovered enough under Severus' care. It would be best for you to be with your friends again.'

Ron and Hermione were looking interested again now, at the prospect of having their dear 'friend' back with them. Harry was on the verge of a panic attack. Leave Severus? Not be able spend time working on potions with him, talking with him, sleeping in the same bed as him? He would be dead within hours. They weren't enough, didn't care enough to stop him. He needed Severus. He could keep going without him yet. He wasn't sure if he ever could, Severus was his only true tie left. What if he went back to hating him after he wasn't there any more?

Harry fancied he could see a similar look of panic on Severus' face before it vanished under a mask of impassiveness.

'No Headmaster, please.'

Okay, Harry really needed to reign in the panic in his voice.

'Please Headmaster, I would rather stay here with Severus. I believe I would be best protected here. I wish to continue with my potions tutoring anyway.'

'Well, if that is how you feel, Harry…'

'NO!'

What!

Ron has finally broken his little sulk-fest then.

'How can you say that? What the hell has gotten into you Harry?'

'What are you talking about?'

Where did that voice come from? A low, dangerous purr not unlike his favourite Potions Master's.

'Why in the name of all things **sane **would you want to spend more time than necessary with the greasy git? What is **wrong** with you?

'What's wrong with me? What's wrong?'

Harry was starting to get really angry.

'How can you ask that? What right do you have? You sent me out there with the rest you bastard! Sent me off to slay the dragon. To **kill** someone and then you have the fucking stupidity to ask me what's wrong like you're my friend? Like you have the right. You don't know me. You can't. You're a fucking child.'

'I'm older than you Harry.'

'No, you can't say that. You've sat here in your nice cosy little world, waiting for the adults, for **me** to save you from the monster. You've never trained for hours till you wanted to drop and then trained for hours more. You never cast unforgivables at any animal you can find for as long as you could tale it. You've never killed someone. You're a child. In your world everything is so fucking black and white. Death Eaters and the good guys. Grow up and then come lecture me, because right now you don't have the fucking right.'

'What's he been saying to you? You've changed Harry and it's that bastard's fault isn't it?'

'Are you even listening? It's you who made me what I am. Who turned me into what I am.'

'What? A fucking headcase?'

'Now we get down to it! What's your real problem Ron? The fact that you weren't enough to stop me from trying to kill myself? That I know more dark magic than you can possibly imagine?'

'I knew it! He's turned you into a fucking Death Eater.'

'What?'

'Or maybe not, maybe you've been fooling us all along and the only reason you killed Voldemort was so you could take his place.'

Harry snapped. He threw a fist right into Ron's face. The black eye that was staring to form was remarkably cathartic. Ron was his friend still, somewhere deep inside, but he was a complete prick until he worked things out.

'Fuck you, you Death Eater. I hope Lucius Malfoy does find you!'

Or not.

'He'll find you before me, I have some brains remember?'

'Fuck you, you bastard'

Harry watched as Ron slammed his way out of the room.

/-------

Ron Weasley came slamming out of Snape's quarters and didn't stop until he got back to Gryffindor toward, Hermione followed behind him, trying to calm him down. She tried to reason with him, to get him to see why they had both said what they did. She only seemed to be making him even more angry.

Ron rooted through his trunk, looking for something and then swung an old cloak around his shoulders.

'Ron what are you doing?'

'Going out.'

'But Ron the Headmaster…'

'I really don't give a shit. I wanna get away from somewhere contaminated with those Death Eaters.'

'Ron! Harry's been having a hard time, but he-he's not a Death Eater, you know that.'

'Shut it Hermione.'

Ron made his way quickly down to Hogsmeade, headed for the hog's head where he could get served no problem and forget all about his former best friend.

Ron cut down an alleyway to get towards the entrance of the pub when a swirl of black stepped in front of him. He walked straight into it.

'Excuse me mate.'

Ron made to carry on when the black clad figure stepped back in front of him.

'I think not.'

Lucius Malfoy stood before him.

'Well, well, Weasley I confess it is most fortuitous that I happened to find you here. You see, boy, the aurors are perhaps half an hour behind me and I have anywhere to run to. So, I thought perhaps, if I am to be caught and no doubt kissed, it would be best to leave a… parting statement.'

Ron had begun to shake as the blond man stood in front of him, sneering down with silver eyes promising revenge.

'I had wished to kill the Potter brat of course, and succeed where my lord failed, but perhaps this is even better.'

Ron turned to try to run, to get away and go anywhere. To live.

He set off at a run, heading back towards the castle as fast as possible, he could see the school in front him. He would make it.

'_Petrificus totalus._'

Ron froze with Hogwarts reflected in his eyes.

'My dear boy, that was most inconsiderate. Think about it, you'll make history here today. Harry Potter's second, killed at the hands of the Dark Lord's second. It has a certain ring to it, and perhaps a nice touch of irony as we will both die today. Now boy, face your death like a man. How much can you stand?'

'_Crucio_.'

Ron screamed.

'Most disappointing. You'll have alerted the aurors to our presence now, and I fear you've simply brought your death on your self that much faster. Ron heard the crack of the aurors arriving just a few yards away, and tried to call out. They would reach him time.

'_Avada Kedavra_'

Ron Weasley fell to the ground just as the Auror managed to _accio_ Lucius' wand away from him and apparated him back to the ministry.

TBC

**A/N:** Mwhahahahahahahahahahahaha ducks rotten fruit

Cough Told you there would be character death. I know it's taken a really, really long time to do this, but there's just been all kinds of shit going on and I did say it would probably take a while. My workload is just going to increase over about the next three months, so there will be updates, I promise that, but I expect them to be erratic at best. I promise I won't leave you all **too **long waiting for the next part. So tell me what you though of this and everything that happened, cos if anything deserves a review, this one does, and I made the effort to write lots for you on this one .

My thanks to;

**Angelus McCauley/mikemack/Setg' -in/Vidalark/lollenk/kears/Kumaralovergirl/ icklecassikins/Miki23/Gryffens/Meghan2/n0b0dysang31/Infinite13/Heskie/Bringer Vixtorrien/Jeni/lily/frostyhogwarts/It's the voices' fault/mariana/just deej/ CrimsonTearsOfPain/steffles24**

**I can't beleiveI got 23 reviews! Anoymous review replies on my lj very soon.**

**xxxxx**

**Floss**


	13. A Reaction

**Title:** When Destiny Is All You Have

**Author:** FlossPyromaniac

**Rating:** M

**Notes:** Thank you to then people who did review and said such nice things. This chapter for everyone's who has stayed with me despite everything. My thanks to **SuzukiRavenFire** for the betaand as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE.

THE SLASH STARS HERE! DON'T LIKE - DON'T READ. NO FLAMES!

**Disclaimer:** I have my own personal Severus to do with what I wish – don't you? As usual - I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells. All other credit to J.K Rowling

**Mixed POV with some overlap, so don't get too** **confused...**

**Chapter 13; A Reaction**

Harry watched Ron slam out of the room with a distinct air of foreboding. Right now though, Harry was too angry to even acknowledge that fact.

'If you don't mind Headmaster, I am rather tired and would prefer to go to bed without anymore outbursts from insecure, immature knobheads.'

Hermione's eyes widened and she went to say something

'Perhaps it would be best if you followed your boyfriend, Miss Granger.'

Severus' voice cut across the room and Hermione rose almost without thinking and followed Ron out of the door.

Harry was still sat fuming in his seat and seemingly trying to burn a hole through the door with the power of his mind alone. It occurred to him that he probably should stop before he actually did set the door on fire. It wouldn't do to destroy Severus' quarters just because Ron was a complete prat.

Harry barely acknowledged the Headmaster's leaving and he didn't hear his brief admonition to stay safely within the castle's walls.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur to Harry, he was still internally fuming, and trying to work out how the hell everything had got so fucked up. How the person who had been the best friend he had could believe such a thing of him. He would think that he was doing something wrong by… by taking some time away. He had said something true, but Harry had not succeeded in doing what Ron had to him. In really hurting him. Despite everything though, Ron was his first real friend and that would always mean something. How had everything got so confused?

He crawled into Severus' bed, barely acknowledging the other man's presence as he slid carefully into the other side. Harry turned away to face the wall and slipped off into angry, confused and frustrated dreams.

hphphphphphphphphphphphphphphp

Severus awoke to Albus' head in his bedroom fireplace. The one he only used for absolute emergencies or very important news. After reassuring himself that Harry was still sleeping next to him and not off somewhere having his life blood poured back into him Severus tried to work out what possibly could have gone wrong now. A slight cough from the fire reminded him that he would get more answers if he actually spoke to Albus.

Well, Probably.

He looked over and saw an expression on Albus' face he never thought he would become used to. It was an expression of a total loss of control and of old age. The ever-present, famed twinkle was missing from the Headmaster's eyes for the second time in less than a week.

'What has happened now Albus?'

For once in his life, Severus saw that the Headmaster was at a loss.

'This is not a conversation that should be held over a fireplace, my dear boy.'

Severus tensed even further at hearing that. The old man only ever called him that when something truly terrible had happened. Severus was wildly beginning to wonder if Voldemort was somehow, inexplicably not dead.

'Please come up to my office as soon as possible and instruct Harry to follow you 15 minutes after you leave. Dobby can stay with him while you are gone.'

Severus nodded absently as Albus' head vanished from the fire. The fact that Harry had to go up as well did not bode well. Could he possibly be right? Could that monster have survived even having his soul stripped? But why would he wish to see them separately? It made no sense. Severus could not follow the Headmaster's insane train of thought at the best of times, and never when one or both of them were distressed. What in the nine hells was happening?

Severus quickly shook himself; he was drifting again, as he had become so wont to doing in the past few days. He would achieve nothing sat here speculating on what was happening with what, he was sure, were only specious theories. He hoped they were.

Severus moved to get out of the bed and noticed the world's erstwhile suicidal saviour stir behind him.

"That's right Severus try to separate yourself from him by making him something other than Harry."

Somewhere the mutt was laughing his arse off at him Severus was sure. Why else would that damnable voice sound so much like him?

'Harry.'

A blink. Obviously the boy was about a cognizant in the morning, pre-caffeine as Severus himself. Unless he was in a state of complete bafflement.

'Harry, listen to me.'

'Huh?'

Well, that was slightly better.

'I am leaving now to see the Headmaster.'

'Mmmmm.'

'You will need to follow approximately 15 minutes after I have left.'

'Yes Severus.'

'You will then have to take all your NEWTs naked with McGonagall watching.'

'Okay…'

A beat. Severus waited.

'WHAT?'

'This is important, Harry, you need to listen. The headmaster wishes to see us both, and you will need to follow in 15 minutes. I do not wish to be cruel, but it is likely this is not good news.'

Harry's face slid into an impassive mask remarkably similar to Severus' own.

'Do you know if you will be remaining when I arrive to speak to the Headmaster?'

'I suspect so, Harry. I will try.'

'Thank you.'

Odd. Thank you for what? Sometime Severus could not understand Harry at all.

With a swift nod, Severus threw the floo power into the fire and made his way towards the Headmaster's office.

Severus arrived to see Albus sat behind his desk, slumped down in his chair with the cup of tea already in his hand. Another sat steaming across him before a black leather chair.

This did not bode well.

'Not even giving the chance to try to decline Albus.'

'Today, my boy, I suspect you will need it.'

Really, really not boding well.

Severus sat in the chair, but refused to pick up the teacup yet. Let the old man explain first.

'Severus…'

Severus watched as the Headmaster appeared to gather his thoughts.

'You remember I warned you that Lucius was free.'

Of course he did. Severus was beginning to get very worried indeed.

'Yes.'

'Last night…'

Last night what? Bloody hell, what could have happened now? What could be so bad that Albus could not say it?

'Last night in Hogsmeade, Lucius was spotted by some of the townspeople.'

Oh gods. Please say this isn't going where he thought it was. Who was dead now?

'He came across one of our students in the town.'

A student? Who did he care about that much for Albus to be this concerned?

'He cast the killing curse and was apprehended by the aurors.'

Wait…

'Ronald Weasley is dead and Lucius has been kissed.'

Severus felt like he'd just been petrified. Lucius had been kissed? Lucius Malfoy was gone? There was nothing left? No remnants of… of…

Lucius had been one of the first things Severus had seen when he joined Hogwarts. Someone with status, and bearing and pride even as a child. The person who had everything Severus had wanted. Money. Beauty. Power. Who had ruled during his time at Hogwarts. Who had taught the most important lessons of all, that a Slytherin was always a Slytherin and that he had a name to uphold. Who had enticed him down the path to ruin, to darkness. Who had been his friend.

Lucius had been the one to bring him before the D- before Voldemort. Who had shown him everything. Lucius had taught him so much. They had been… more than friends. For a time, before the world came crashing down on Severus, they had been everything.

Lucius had married Narcissa. He began to lose himself ever more in the dark arts. In this service to his master. Severus had watched him lose everything that made him Lucius and he had been driven out to find shelter. To Albus.

Lucius had meant so much to him. In hate and love. How could he be gone?

It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. It couldn't.

How was he supposed to feel about this?

His feelings for Lucius were never resolved. He was never sure if he truly hated him, despite all appearances. Perhaps he would have killed him, had they met in battle, but this was different. He did not love Lucius, Severus knew that, but he had once.

It felt like a part of him had been ripped away. Severus wasn't even sure if he was still breathing. Was Albus still speaking?

The floo flared. Or did it?

Somebody there, speaking.

Who?

A cry, of pain, of rage echoed trough the room.

A sound he'd heard before.

Severus shook himself. He needed to return.

He took Harry by the hand.

Of course, who else would it be?

They rose together, stiff and broken and Severus called for his room as they moved into the floo.

hphphphphphphphphphphphphphphp

Harry watched as Severus vanished into the flames. He had been distracted too, Harry could tell. Dobby appeared next to him, but was summarily dismissed as unimportant to Harry's whirling mind.

What could have got Severus into such a state?

Harry dressed mechanically, his mind exploring all the possibilities of what the Headmaster could want them for. Was he being sent away?

Harry felt something touch him, and automatically flinched and saw Dobby stood before him.

Time to leave.

Harry walked towards the floo, took a handful and called for the Headmaster's office.

Severus was sat in a chair before the desk ,cup of tea in hand, drinking it almost without thinking. Harry nearly froze in fear at the sight. What could be that bad? What could make Severus this way?

'Sit down please, Harry.'

Harry barely noticed himself move forward and sink into a green armchair next to Severus'.

'My dear boy…'

Harry forced himself to breathe normally. He had heard nothing yet. There was no sense in panicking before he was told.

Too late.

'Last night, after leaving Severus' quarters…'

What? What had the Headmaster done?

'Ronald left the castle…'

Ron? What the hell was going on?

'And he… Harry he was found by Lucius.'

No. No. Nonononononono. He can't be saying that. Please.

'I'm so sorry Harry, he is dead.'

No. No, no, no, no, no.

Not possible.

It can't be. It can't.

They had been together yesterday. Just yesterday. They had fought. Oh Merlin, they had fought and Ron had left. But he couldn't be dead. He couldn't.

His first friend. Hot-tempered Ron. Always there, even if they weren't close anymore. Ron was… he was special to him. His first real friend.

So alive, so fiery and alive.

He couldn't be dead.

He wasn't.

Was he?

If Ron was dead, then it was Harry's fault. They had fought. Harry had said things. Cruel things. He had driven him out of the castle. Driven him into the jaws of death at Lucius Malfoy's wand.

Another person associated with Harry Potter was dead. He was poison. He should be dead not Ron.

Ron was dead.

An inhumane howl of pain and rage and helplessness screamed out of Harry.

Ron was dead. Ron was **dead**.

Harry felt himself beeing lifted up by someone, out of the seat. He was taken towards the fireplace and pushed in and he swirled back to the gloom.

hphphphphphphphphphphphphphp

Severus nearly fell out of the floo for the first time in over 20 years. The haze was leaving now and all that was left was numbness. And anger.

Severus looked over at Harry and saw him curled in on himself, almost falling off the armchair he had sank into. What was going on? What could have brought Harry to such a state again? It couldn't have been Lucius, there had been no love lost between those two and Harry was not the type to mourn for lost opportunities to kill someone so what was it? What could…

_Ronald Weasley is dead and Lucius has been kissed._

Fuck.

Of all the things which could have possibly happened to drive Harry back to a state a suicidal depression this had to nearly head the list. His friend dead and just after they had fought? No wonder the boy seemed near catatonic. Severus was in no condition to deal with this now, if he ever had been.

Almost without thinking, Severus made his way over to the liquor cabinet and brought out the bottle of scotch he had opened following The- Voldemort's death.

'What are you doing?'

Not quite as desolate as previously suspected then.

'I am giving in to an urging which has been plaguing me for days and drinking until I no longer care about the happenings of this past day.'

A puzzled gleam shone in Harry's eyes as he visibly tried to understand why Severus would be upset.

At this particular moment Severus was disinclined to enlighten him.

He walked over and handed a second drink to Harry.

'Slowly. It will make things a little easier.'

For a while anyway.

They sat drinking in silence, neither willing to break the stark atmosphere which had settled on the room. Severus refilled the glasses more times than he really cared to remember. Finally Harry spoke.

'I don't see why you're so concerned about all this. You didn't even like Ron.'

'I do not need an excuse to get drunk. I have years of excuses behind me however, should anyone enquire.'

'Of course. It would be too much to ask for the great Potions master to show some kind of feeling wouldn't it? Some indication that he actually gave a flying fuck about what was happening to someone.'

Impudent brat. What did he know?

'I do not need to explain myself to you Potter.'

'Oh, so it's 'Potter' again then? How predictable. You're getting on Snape, if even I can see what you're planning. Aren't you ashamed? A stupid Gryffindor like myself seeing through you.'

Severus was verging on incensed as the damnable creature continued his diatribe on why he was a complete bastard and those green eyes flashed fire for the first time and months. That mouth moving rapidly in anger and spite. His whole body alight and moving as Harry continued to rant and Severus could take it no longer. The anger and the alcohol conspired against him and he moved to capture those lips in a bruising kiss.

The fought against each other, mouths and tongues, shouting their anger, their pain without words. Severus wasn't sure who moved them back towards to wall but there he stood, pressing Harry against it and trying to bleed out everything he was feeling through his mouth. This was about lust and pain as they moved together against the walls, trying to find release.

Severus could taste the scotch on Harry's tongue, made harsh by fury and pain.

They met without thought, taking whatever they could, battling for dominance and never winning.

Hands, who's Severus could no longer tell, moving between them, loosing clothes and removing barriers until they stood there, skin to skin, panting and breathless and still so angry. Severus would never know where he got the lubricant from as he pushed his fingers into Harry, rough and desperate. They moved together, fast and hard, fucking against his bedroom wall.

Harry eyes' flashing with rage and desire as he met Severus, thrust for thrust.

His head flung back, supported on the wall as they drew closer to the edge.

The look of pained completion as they came together.

They stumbled back towards Severus' bed and collapsed together.

And then he knew no more.

TBC…

**A/N:** Worth the wait? Yes, I'm a very mean author. I am trying to do my best for you and get on with this thing, but there's just so much going on right now that updates will be even more erratic. Please do bear with me, this story will keep going and I'll try not to leave it too long, but it's a little difficult right now. This chapter was incredibly emotionally draining to write and I'd appreciate any feedback you're willing to give. Many thanks to;

**KumaralLovergirl/Black Sorceress/Kittery/SaphirePhoenix/MyPain'sBleedingHeart/ kears/roboticruth/Miki23/AnnF/Lady Lily3/It's the voices' fault/destiny/just deej/ ****Chopsticks-The-Mighty/Jeni/mikemack/Potions Mistress 101/lollenk/Phoenix Chaotica/ steffles 24/180-By-Summer**

**Keep reviewing please!**

**Floss**


	14. A Consensus

Title: When Destiny Is All You Have

Author: FlossPyromaniac

Rating: M

Notes: Thank you to then people who did review and said such nice things. Explanation and excuses at the end. This chapter for everyone's who has stayed with me despite everything. My thanks to the lovely **winnett** who jumped in at the last minute and as usual, SLASH, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, BAD LANGUAGE.

Disclaimer: I have my own personal Severus to do with what I wish – don't you?

As usual - I own nothing except the 'plot' contained within and a few of the spells. All other credit to J.K Rowling

**Chapter 14; A Consensus**

Pain. Big, disturbing pain. The kind of pain Severus hadn't felt in years, when he used to lock himself in his dungeons to forget that his arms still shook from Cruciatus. That he had just seen another person tortured, killed, destroyed. Had it all been a dream? The Dark Lord could never just fall like that. Too simple. Nobody dead. Hadn't he seen this before? The bodies of everyone he'd every met strewn across the battlefield and his 'master' rising triumphant. Had he started dreaming again? Hoping? It could never be over. What made him think it could? He would be trapped forever. He would open his eyes and everything would be the same. He would tell the warm, hard body lying next to him to go and then…

Body? A actual person in his bed?

How had he managed to get someone into the castle? Hell, how had he allowed someone into his rooms? Barring Albus, no one had been in these rooms since the previous Potions Master vacated them. It wasn't like him to be so careless. How the hell had this happened? He never gave into temptation no matter how much he had drunk. Ever. How could he have possibly let himself get into to this situation?

And where was the other person who should be occupying this bed? Gods, where in the nine circles of hell was Potter? Had he been sent back to the Tower? Had he dreamed that? Potter standing by him, with him against Weasley? It couldn't be possible. But it was… surely he would not have imagined that.

No, he hadn't gone back. They had come back here together when Albus had told them about Lucius and Weasley. He had been numb, they both had. He had opened a bottle of scotch and they had drank. Drank to forget. Or to remember. Was that before? Severus had never questioned his decisions, his motives when it came to alcohol. They had fought, he remembered. He had goaded, or been goaded, let himself be taken in by invective and pushed back as always. Harsh words exchanged on both sides and then…

Oh fuck.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

He had slept with a student.

He had slept with Harry **fucking** Potter.

He was beyond screwed.

This could not be happening. It was a dream, it had to be. It had to. There could be no explanation other than that. He would close his eyes and Harry Potter would no longer be lying naked in his bed.

He's still there.

It was real? It was real.

Harry was still there. Still naked. Still so bloody tempting.

No. No. This is not the time to think that!

It was inappropriate before. How had he let himself become enamoured with a student? One of his own students at that. Someone he would have to teach for the rest of the year. Someone who had trusted him.

He had broken that trust.

He had been drunk and angry and hurting and not only had he lashed out at the one person he needed to protect, who had needed support himself, but he had then taken advantage of him.

He was going to be fired.

Everything he had, everything he had left now that The- Voldemort was gone would go too. There would be nothing left. Who would employ a former Death Eater other than Albus Dumbledore? Who could stand someone who would take advantage of the charge under his care, barely old enough to legally do such things?

The fact that Harry had turned seventeen only a few days earlier pressed itself rather insistently on his mind.

What would he say to Harry when he woke up? How could he ever face him?

There were no excuses to offer.

He could hear a slight groan as Harry turned beside him.

He had hurt Harry. He must have.

They had been so rough, so angry and uncaring at the time.

Had…

No, don't. Don't think it.

Had Harry even had sex before?

What if… what if he had taken his innocence? He had never stopped to ask, to wonder. It had come about so quickly; there was no thought for just how young Harry was.

If he had done that to the boy…

He was moving. Shifting next to him.

Merlin, he was going to wake up.

What the fuck was he going to do?

He was saved from any more internal agonizing by Harry shooting bolt upright in the bed.

'Ron! No Ron please come back. Don't be dead. Oh please don't be dead. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please just wake up. Come back. Please. Please… come back.'

Severus couldn't take it.

Harry crumpled next to him. His whole body shook as he begged for someone to do something; for Weasley to be alive.

It was too much.

Severus scooped the boy into his arms. Held him while he sobbed. He was damned already. He would not let Harry suffer more, not when he could at least do this. There would be time for recriminations and excuses later. Right now he was needed.

'My fault. All my fault. I'm so sorry. Merlin forgive me. Please Ron, don't be dead.'

'Harry. Harry, listen to me. Harry, please listen.'

The body in his arms began to calm. Grief and confusion warred in the eyes that turned up to him.

'You said please.'

Well, he hadn't been expecting that response.

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

A silence dragged on. Someone needed to say something. Anything to break the painful gap that was left as they sat clinging to each other. Hadn't he wanted to say something?

'Harry, it wasn't your fault.'

'How can you say that? All those things I said? I drove him out. I wanted them gone, I did, but I never wanted him dead. He's dead Severus, and it is my fault.'

Harry's voice broke. He cringed in on himself, waiting for confirmation, for retribution. Merlin, he truly believed it was his fault. The child harbored a guilt complex a mile wide.

'Harry. Harry! It was not your fault. You argued, true, but it was because he couldn't understand what you were going through. He knew better than to leave after what he had been told. It was not your fault. No one expected Lu-Malfoy to move so quickly. It's tragic, but it was not your fault.'

'How can you be so sure? What do you know?'

'Insolent brat. I know everything.'

Blink.

'You are not the only person to lose someone, nor are you the only one who has felt it was because of them that the other was lost. You can try your hardest and you will still fail to save all of us. This will pass and eventually you will see that you were not responsible for Ronald's every action.'

'I… I don't know. I can't believe that he's gone. He was an arse, but I miss him.'

A derisive snort.

'I know what you mean.'

Those eyes were back. The ones that knew and saw far too much.

The conversation could not be avoided any longer. They needed to talk about what happened, and Harry needed to get off his lap right this instant.

'Harry, do you remember what happened last night?'

The body stiffened in his lap and carefully slid over to its own side of the bed.

'Harry… I wish to… apologize to you. What I did to you last night was… inexcusable. You are here under my care; convalescing and I took advantage of you. I gave a student alcohol and then proceeded to… I'm sorry. You are my student and I should never, never have put you or myself in a position where this could happen. If you wish to file a formal complaint against me with the Headmaster, I will not stop you. You can be back in the tower by this evening.'

'You're kicking me out?'

What?

'I don't understand.'

'You want to get rid of me now?'

'Harry, what I did to you was wrong. Don't you understand that?'

'No. No, I don't. What I understand is that we were both hurting last night and we took what we needed from each other. You didn't do anything to me I didn't desire.'

'Harry, I am your teacher and… what do you mean nothing you didn't desire?'

'Severus please, you couldn't tell? I've been lusting after you for days. I was angry and upset last night, we both were, but that just meant there was nothing stopping me. You did nothing I didn't want.'

Oh.

'I don't want to leave and I don't want to go back to pretending I don't want you. I know it's improper. I don't give a fuck. It doesn't change the fact that right now, I need something. I need someone. Hell, Severus. I need you. Let me have this. I can't say it will be easy, because I know it won't but I want this. The only problem here for me is if you don't feel the same. If you don't want this too, tell me now, and I'll leave here tonight.'

Oh Gods. What was he going to do now?

This wasn't right. In the eyes of everyone else it would be nothing but coercion and abuse of his position as a teacher. This was the saviour of the wizarding world. They would string him up for what he and Harry had already done. By all rights he should just tell Harry that he didn't feel that same way, that last night had been nothing but a mistake and to send him as far away as possible. He would just have to forget how he felt. How Harry made him feel, even just a little, for the first time in years. How much he cared for the brat. How it felt to…

Okay, that was decidedly **not** helpful.

This was the right thing to do. It was the only thing he could do.

Harry wasn't thinking straight. He had tried to kill himself less than a week ago! There was no way that he knew what he wanted, or what was best for him. The child hadn't even planned to live this long a few days ago, and now he wanted to get into a relationship?

No. Harry would go back to the tower and Granger and Albus would help him to recover and he would go back to teaching the little brats the proper method for skinning shrivelfigs.

Except, they wouldn't be enough to help Harry, would they? He had already shown just how easy it was to push Granger away, that she wouldn't tide him through this and it was blatantly obvious that the brat didn't trust Albus enough to talk to him. He would be dead before the month was out, if he wanted to be. With no friends that would stay with him as he pushed them all away and this rejection…

Oh Merlin.

If he rejected Harry nowIf these… feelings were inappropriate before they are doubly so now.

Oh. it would only do him harm. Could he take it? Severus was under no delusions about his appearance, and under other circumstances Potter would never have looked at him twice, but even a rejection from him right now would be a blow. Who would look after Harry if Severus would not?

Was that really a good enough reason? Wouldn't it be worse if Harry found out his reasons were just for his mental health?

Just for his mental health? And the fact that he hadn't come that hard in years had nothing to do with it.

Damn, where do these thoughts come from!

He wanted Harry, he couldn't deny that. Well, he could but maybe it would be better for them both if Severus admitted that he felt it too.

They could go back to their separate lives. Harry would make several more suicide attempts before finally succeeding with no one left who could truly stop him. Severus would drink himself to death within five years with no one to care about, to focus on. After all, what did he have left now?

It would not last, Severus was all too aware of that. It was two people clinging to something to save themselves from drowning, only for a little while, but maybe it was just what they needed.

It would have to be kept quiet and if the press ever found out…

Severus shuddered.

Maybe, just now, they could have everything.

Maybe it would be enough.

Severus Snape was not a man who liked uncertainty, but in this case he would make an exception.

For Harry Potter, people always did. Why should he be different?

'Severus? I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you – I'll just go. I don't have that much down here so it won't take me long to collect everything and…'

'Harry.'

Those eyes were looking at him again, filled with hope and doubt and hurt. He wanted to make it all go away.

Could he? He was not handsome. He was every inch the Greasy Git they painted him as. He was hard and sarcastic and opprobrious to everyone. But he was wanted. For now, it was enough.

'I do not believe this is sagacious by any means. You are young and I am old, far older than you. If anyone were to find out, it would mean disaster. No one would believe there was no coercion involved.'

'Severus…'

'But somehow I think you may just a worth it.'

'Really?'

'No you ridiculous, insecure brat, I hate you and I'm planning to kill you in your sleep tonight and use your eyeballs for a potion.'

'I hate you too, Severus.'

'I'm glad we're agreed.'

Those damnable eyes were shining now. Harry was… happy. Somehow, inexplicably the boy was happy because of him.

It occurred to him that Harry was talking.

Best to put a stop to that.

With the wicked smirk that all Severus' house were famed for and taught to perform and perfect early on, he grabbed hold of Harry. The talking abruptly ceased.

'Gryffindors are far too loquacious.'

'Severus? Are you planning to do anything or am I just supposed to sit here and…'

He crushed his mouth to Harry's, finally taking what he wanted. This time, it was all sweetness that he could taste. This was a kiss of exploration, filled with promise of things to come. Their mouth moved together and Severus was caught, snared by the catamite doing remarkable things with his tongue.

He never heard the Floo in his bedroom flare into life.

Never saw Albus' head come through or his eyes widen in shock.

'Severus? If you would care to step through into my office?'

TBC

A/N: Okay, I know this was really, really late anyway, but it would have been up a week ago if hadn't got all fucked up. So yeah,Hi. Remember me? Yes, I realise I promise you this chapter over 2 months ago. In between that time I have had some fairly serious exams and all my time was either revising or actually taking the buggers. I hope that all of you are still around here to read this. I realise I'm not a good enough author to leave you all hanging for months on end and then keep coming back, however I don't have huge commitments from now on except for a course in a few weeks. So, I promise to try and get a chapter up a few, and if not feel free to contact me at flosspyromaniac . livejournal . com and ask why the hell I haven't updated. So yeah, I'm not dead and I am going to get my arse in gear. Oh, and yes this isn't the whole chaoter. Therre's some NC-17 flashbacks at the beginning that obviously I shouldn't really post here and for the momnet if behaving. Howevere, if you're over-age go to hpfandom . net and findFlossPyromaniac.My thanks to:

Gnomeish/DebsTheSnapeFan/Sevvie lover/Black Sorceress/Miki23/It's the voices' fault/just deej/Phoenix Chaotica/ Goldensong/wulfie-squeeker/Chopsticks-The-Mighty/mariana/CanYouLoveTheImaginary/Jeni/Lady Lily3/Trollbogies69/lollenk/steffles24 and (OMG) ShivaniBlue.

Any comment you want to leave even if it's just good/bad/ugly would be greatly appreciated.

Floss


End file.
